The Montessori environment is a shared space where ALL toys are shared.
If a child is concentrated on something, it is unavailable to other children. If an object is not in use, it is available to any child.
The adult sets this limit is a kind, but firm way.
We enforce this limit whether our child is the one who has taken the object or the one who’s object has been taken – whether you are at home or on the playground.
Preventing Conflict
example scenario between toddlers, Sam and Francis
“Sam is using the paints right now. Would you like to use stickers instead?”
“Francis, it looks like Sam is working with that right now. It will be available soon.”
“Sam, are you trying to say this is your work, but it will be available soon?”
“Let’s go wash our hands while we wait for this to become available.”
“Sam, may Francis and I watch you work?”
TANTRUMS
If a conflict causes a tantrum in either child, we pause to let the child release their emotions about the situation. We let them know we understand how they feel and comfort them. When they are calm we make amends.
RESPONDING TO CONFLICT
“I can’t allow you to take Sam’s work, but I can show you something else that is interesting. ”
“I see that you are upset, Francis. You really want to play with that. It will be available soon.”
“I understand that you are very interested in this, but Sam hasn’t finished yet. We have to return the ball to Sam for now. It will be available soon.”
“Sam, I understand that Francis took your work, but I can’t let you hurt him.”
“I am going to gently take this and return it to Sam.”
when you don’t know who started it: “I can’t allow you to fight over this. I am going to gently remove it and you can both try again later.”
Sharing Between Siblings
shared objects
Between siblings we can follow the same guidelines. If it is in use, it is unavailable. If it is available, either sibling may use the object.
It is not necessary to buy multiple of everything.
personal space
It’s nice to have a place in the home which is especially prepared according to each child’s interests, especially for siblings of different ages. They can still venture into either space or use the objects on either shelf when they are available.
At any age, sometimes a sibling might need alone time.
“Jamie, it looks like Francis wants to be alone right now.”
“Francis is working at the moment. Let’s come back when he’s available.”
“Francis, are you trying to say that you want to do this alone?”
In Montessori we aim to give children the information they need to understand the world at their stage of development, as well as provide the tools they will need to thrive in this world.
When your child asks you about death or they experience the death of something or someone, here are 6 things you can do: be honest, give practical information, read books together, explain any spiritual beliefs without ambiguity, share your feelings, and allow the child to say goodbye.
1. Be honest.
Explain death in an honest, direct, and non-emotional way. Death is a natural part of life. This is the frame of mind to be in when having discussions with your child about it.
Avoid using phrases like “they left”, “they went to sleep”, “they flew away”. This is misleading because if someone dies they cannot do those things and the child could be confused as to why they don’t just come back or wake up. They may develop fears of sleeping or of loved ones leaving and not coming back.
Until your child asks you for more information, you don’t need to explain why someone died. This can lead to confusion or fear about illness, ageing, accidents, etc. When they do ask for more information, be truthful and factual about what you can share. Avoid general phrases like, “when someone gets old/sick/hurt..” and refer specifically to the reasons why this one animal or person died.
A simple and brief explanation for when an animal or a person dies:
Their body can no longer sleep, eat, walk, or talk. The animal/person does not return. Their body is then buried in the ground (for example) and we keep the memories we had of them when they were alive.
A simple and brief explanation for when a plant dies:
The plant can no longer grow. It cannot take water from the soil or make food from the sunlight. When a plant dies it becomes the soil and helps other plants to grow.
2. Give practical opportunities to learn about death and impermanence before it happens.
A glass when it breaks is no longer a glass and the pieces can no longer be used. Every time something breaks without the chance of being repaired is a lesson you can share with your child on impermanence and fragility. It is important to let them know that things breaking is a natural part of life, even when it was an accident. It is not a negative thing or a positive thing. It is just what happens sometimes. Material objects, like our physical bodies, are not as important as the things we do with them while we have them.
If you happen to have plants or pets at home, this is an opportunity to teach your child about physical needs and lifespans. If a plant gets too much water or not enough water they will die. The lifespan of a gerbil is about 2 years. It is our job as caretakers of our plants and pets to take care of them, love them as well as we can to give them a happy life, and enjoy our time with them. This healthy experience with life and death provides a reference for children when facing other kinds of loss.
3. Share age-appropriate books with them about death.
Even if your child has not known someone who has died, they may already know about death and have questions. Reading books with your child a good way to talk about it and help them understand more. Having them available at the child’s level allows them to open the book and revisit this topic whenever it’s on their mind. Children often want to repeat the same conversations with you about death (or any other topic) to confirm what they know.
The Goodbye Book Written and illustrated by Todd Parr view on Amazon HERE
This is a book for young toddlers which could be about death or just the emotions you feel when someone goes away, as it doesn’t mention anything specific about death. It is about a fish in a fishbowl who misses his friend. He is sad at times and happy at other times when he remembers all the fun they had together.
Always Remember written by Cece Meng, illustrated by Jago view on Amazon HERE
This book is my favorite of all three of these. It is about an old turtle, who we never meet directly in the story, but we hear about the different things he did during his life and all the ways that his friends will “always remember” him. It is beautifully written and illustrated.
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children Written by Bryan Mellonie, illustrated by Robert Ingpen view on Amazon HERE
This book is fascinating for older toddlers and preschoolers. It is beautiful and honest. It talks about how death is the natural end to life and describes the lifetime and death of things like plants and insects.
4. Share your spiritual belief about death, if you have one.
When sharing a religious belief with a child, it is important to pair it with the physical explanation of death as well. If you only offer a spiritual explanation about death it can be confusing and even scary to the child who does not yet fully understand the abstract meaning.
5. Share your feelings
When your child shows their emotions regarding death (fear, sadness, confusion, anger, guilt, or no emotion at all) we want to validate and acknowledge their feelings. Talking about the child’s thoughts, translating the child’s emotions into words, and teaching them how to express their feelings in a safe space, are all very important. Offering hugs, giving a pillow to hit when angry, allowing for alone time, having a visual or verbal cue for strong emotions, offering to draw feelings, are possible ways of teaching children how to express their emotions.
EQUALLY IMPORTANT is translating your own feelings and modelling how you process your own grief. It’s okay to cry in front of your child. It’s okay to explain why you are feeling upset. You are showing your child through example that their feelings are real and teaching them how to manage them.
6. Allow your child to say goodbye.
When a person dies funerals or celebrations of life can be overwhelming to a child. In preparation for this, we can explain to them what will happen and what to expect. In addition to this, find a time when the child can say goodbye to the loved one with just you. You can sing a special song, write a note, leave flowers, or some other kind of simple ceremony.
For pets or plants or even for a bug found outside, the child can be included in a small ritual for saying goodbye if they want to. These experiences all help to normalise death and form a healthy relationship with it.
Personal Note:
This blog post was difficult for me to write, but I am glad that I have done it now. Considering death from a child’s perspective and practicing the ways to discuss it without fear is helping me in my own process of grief and acceptance. I know that I have to do the work to heal my feelings about death first so that I can give my daughter a healthy understanding of this part of life when she starts asking about it.
In 2019 my mother died suddenly at the age of 44. One year later I became pregnant with my first baby, a daughter, who I named Jennifer after my mom. Keeping her memory present in my home and sharing her photos with Jennie is very special and important to me, but it has also been painful and complicated. A book that has given me strength is Motherless Mothers by Hope Edelman.
I share this because I know that understanding this healthy approach to death is one thing, and putting it into practice is quite another when you have experienced painful losses. I hope that this information will be helpful and that we can become stronger and in turn be better models and teachers to our little ones.
When our baby turned 15 months old she began showing strong signs of self-affirmation crisis, or in other words, becoming a toddler. It was time to make changes in our home to support her during this new stage of life and change areas to better meet her needs. In this blog post I will share some ages and stages of young toddlers and practical life areas for toddlers at home.
Signs and expressions of self-affirmation:
Walking
Increase in tantrums
Interest in practical activities/household tasks
Resistance getting dressed, changing diaper, brushing teeth, etc.
Interest in water
Desire to help adults
Can follow a 2 step process
Can follow simple instructions
Strong feelings towards and against things
Preference of choosing between two things, even two of the same thing
Definition of self-affirmation crisis:
This is also called the “Opposition Crisis” or mistakingly referred to as the “Terrible Twos”. In a person’s second year of life there is an explosion of language which parallels the self-affirmation crisis. At this moment the child learns his favourite word: “no.” They don’t necessarily say it because they don’t want something, but because they want to be respected as a individual with their own point of view.
Changes in the child:
The child starts to gain more physical control of themselves and their surroundings.
They understand that they are a completely different person from their caregivers and start saying “no!” Children test the limits and seek a deeper understanding.
She starts showing more uncertainty and having conflicting ideas and attitudes. Due to this humanisation, the child is prone to frustration and bursting into tears.
By three years old the ego has been nearly fully formed. By the end of this period the child will use the pronoun “I” instead of “me” or saying his name. This signifies the completion of personal boundaries and the beginning of knowledge of the self in contrast to others.
Ideas for changes in the home
The first area we changed was in the bathroom. As discussed in the Toilet Awareness Workshop we added a simple potty, carpet, and sink to the bathroom when Jennie started walking.
Now we added a small mirror, towel hooks, wall art made by Jennie in her Montessori Baby Class, which we placed in a plastic frame. After making these changes Jennie noticed immediately and started to use this area more frequently for its intended function, rather than just exploring it.
The next space was a self-care area in her bedroom. This is a small table made from a cube chair turned on its front. The mirror is stick-on plastic and non-breakable mirror. The blue container is for hair bows and is from Tiger Copenhagen. The wooden tray is from Ikea and keeps tissues for nose wiping. The wall hooks are secondhand from HM Home and the matching bags were made by hand by a friend. We use them for cream, sunglasses, hair clips and hair ties, and a brush and comb. The first day we set it up Jennie was so excited that she spent an hour exploring all these materials. She now uses this space every day.
Finally we made this little kitchen for Jennie which is still in progress. So far she uses it only for drinking water and taking her snacks, but eventually I plan to set it up for simple cooking activities and dish washing work.
The kitchen is from Ikea, bought secondhand. The cutting board was custom made by Chad. The water dispenser is made of plastic and it’s very easy to use. I attached it with velcro stickers so Jennie can easily push the button. I also found these lovely trays which fit perfectly, also at IKEA. The enamel trash can also comes with a cute lid, but it’s too distracting and hard to open for the time-being. On the side I have attached stick-on hooks for her dustpan, broom, mini mop (from Kaufland, no link), and wash cloths.
Finally I bought a role of adhesive foil on Amazon to add some color to the space. The mat and wall art are both from IKEA. These additions are mainly cosmetic, but making the space beautiful is inviting and attracts the child’s attention. They really appreciate all the little details.
And that is all of Jennie’s new practical life areas at home for the moment now that she’s a big, grown up toddler. 🙂
Final Thoughts
Since making these changes we have noticed a lot less tantrums and frustration. She is also so proud of herself when she knows where to do things and where the materials go. It was so simple and inexpensive to make these small changes for her and has made a big difference in our daily routine.
More ways to help children during the self-affirmation crisis:
Activities like riding, pushing, jumping encourage their physical development. They provide opportunities for positive output of energy.
Offering 2 choices as often as possible helps to resolve and prevent problems without creating strife between child and parent.
Offer two acceptable choices, for example: “Do you want to go to the beach or to the park today?” “Do you want eggs or porridge for breakfast?”
This shows respect to the child because you asked for his opinion.
2 choices also has the huge advantage of teaching reflection. The child has to consider before he answers. Starting this early helps children to be able to make bigger choices in the future. In situation when there is no possibility for choice, you must be firm and honest. Set the clear limit and enforce it consistently in a loving and respectful manner.
In this blogpost I will be answering these frequently asked questions anonymously and I will give advice based on Montessori theory. This doesn’t mean that it’s the perfect solution for you, every family and every child is unique, but I will do my best to give helpful suggestions and if those suggestions feel right for you, then try them out.
Listen to the podcast:
Sleep is such a personal topic . It is a skill that all children have to learn. The relationship your child has with sleep affects the whole family’s mental and physical health so making changes regarding their sleep situation should involve the whole family. Communicate with each other so that everyone is on the same page and whatever you decide to do is the right solution for everyone, parents and children.
Question 1
My baby is 5 months old. She only falls asleep when I am cuddling with her, not my partner, just me. If I am not there she will cry 95% of the time. What should we do to help her find sleep by herself or with my partner?
Children can easily get used to one thing that they need to go to sleep. This can be cuddling with a specific parent, like in the example above, it can also be a pacifier, a lovey, milk… It doesn’t mean that they can’t find rest another way, they just have to re-learn how to sleep without that attachment. Believe in your child that they can do it.
Their whole life they have slept one way, so changing that understanding will take some time. On top of that, they have to process this new information when they are tired and probably when the parent is tired also which makes it even more challenging. Communication, patience, and complete calm are so important in this process.
Make a change that your family has decided on, go to bed early so they haven’t passed exhaustion, and stick to your plan so it doesn’t send mixed/negative messages. You can do this!
You can make a plan to take it slow. For example, start with day sleeping, then move to night sleeping. Instead of getting in the bed, sit next to it and offer comfort and closeness this way. Let the child feel all of their feelings about this process without judgement. If there are tears, let them be expressed and show compassion. This is your child’s way of saying “I am tired and I am having a hard time.”
Question 2
How should I set up a Montessori sleeping area?
In Montessori we use a low bed or a floor bed which is a mattress on the floor, on a carpet, or on a base which is only slightly higher than the floor. Eventually baby moves to this bed as they transition to independent sleeping.
The sleep area is should be in the darkest, quietest part of the room.
Make the space functional and inviting.
You can keep some books nearby in a basket or on a shelf for reading before bed. There shouldn’t be any noisy or highly stimulating toys in the sleeping area – this is a place of quiet where the child knows they can go if they need to find rest.
A Montessori Cestina (sleeping basket) for babies from birth to rolling
Question 3
How and when should we transition from crib sleeping to toddler bed sleeping?
Make this transition when you feel your child is ready and when you are ready to commit to the transition which can take some time.
When the child is walking they should be able to get in and out of bed independently.
Step-by-step: Remove the crib and introduce the bed in the same day. You can invite your child to help you or they can observe what you are doing passively.
Talk about how “Your ‘new bed’ is in this box. We are going to open it and put it in your room so you can sleep there.”
Say “Goodbye!” to the crib with your child so they have the memory of it being gone.
Put the new bed exactly where the crib was before if you can.
On the first few nights, go to bed a little bit earlier and prepare yourself (what you are going to say + your positive attitude) for coming into the room several times before they fall asleep. You will have to remind them that it’s time to rest, go back to bed, and tuck in every time in the exact same way. 🙂
Keep a neutral attitude of calm and acceptance. It’s just a new bed, not an overly exciting or a bad thing. This will also help your little one accept it.
Question 4
How and when should we transition from co-sleeping to independent sleeping alone?
If this is what your family has decided is best for you, you can make this transition when you are ready to commit to it. It can take some time and no matter when you decide to do this, it will be a learning process for your little one. If your family is happy with co-sleeping and it works for you, then you should continue it! There is no 1 right way to sleep.
Explanation: Co-sleeping is family sleeping, so often it’s difficult for the child to learn how to fall asleep when the family is not right by them and that they have their own bed now where they sleep alone.
The first step is to get them their own bed, talk about it, show where they can put their head… “This is your own bed. When you are tired, you can come here and rest.”
Don’t get into the bed yourself, because it is a place where only your child sleeps.
Start with day sleeping, sitting near the bed if they want closeness. Gradually give more and more space until they are sleeping there fairly comfortably. Use a specific routine before they get into bed to sleep. (For example, lunch, brush teeth, change clothes, read books, sing a special song, give a kiss, then it’s quiet time.)
Begin changing the night sleeping by giving information and going to bed early. “Tonight you will sleep in your bed and we will sleep in our bed.” Use the exact same routine as you do before a nap.
If they are upset, be their calm and give them the words to explain how they are feeling. “You feel tired right now and it’s hard to get to sleep. I am here for you.”
Question 5
My baby is 13 months old and he wakes up every 2-3 hours. We are a co-sleeping family. How can we help him to have a more normal sleeping pattern? It feels like everything is on pause until we can sleep through the night.
The sleep cycles of a child this age should be longer than this so it’s a sign that they are waking up for a reason.
There are many reasons why toddlers could wake up in the night:
digestion – their tummy is upset or they have food in their stomach so their rest is not quality
they are waking for a bottle (they don’t need to eat at night any more at this point, so slowly give less watered down milk until they no longer feel hungry at night.)
they sleep with a pacifier or lovey and it’s fallen out triggering their wake-up response
they are feeling discomfort – teething, sickness, overheated, uncomfortable
they have had a bad dream
they have woken themselves up with their own movements or by the sleep noises and movements of the other people in the bed (If this is the case, perhaps they need their own sleeping space away from the noise and movements of others – which is OK if that’s what they need. There are no rules on where or how to sleep.)
I recommend saying ‘goodbye’ to sleep props/associations
Communication: Encourage independence by teaching her how to find rest without waking you up. Teach her what you do when you wake up in the night. – keep a waterbottle nearby the bed – teach her how to flip her pillow over – take off socks – roll over…
About using a pacifier or other sleeping props:
Say ‘goodbye’ in a respectful way. It’s a real and strong attachment your child has, so treat it with love.
After 3 difficult nights, it’s usually over with.
If they use the pacifier other than at night, start by using it not using it during the day, then for night sleep, and finally for day sleep.
You can also say goodbye to the pacifier all together at once!
Question 6
My baby is 17 months old. She sleeps alone in her bedroom but the bedroom door is closed so she has to cry to call one of us when she wakes up. How can we give freedom without creating a bad habit of leaving the room during rest time? At night, would it help if we open his door before we go to bed, so he can go out and find us when we wakes up? How about at nap time?
This is a good idea to open the door when it’s time to wake up and let them come out when they are ready.
You can also try leaving the door cracked after you say ‘goodnight’ and if they get up, remind them to it’s time for sleep and going back to bed. See question #3
Perhaps you can add a long extension to the door knob so they can open it alone.
Question 7
My son sometimes sleeps either naked or topless when he refuses to put his pyjamas on. I don’t force him to put on his pyjamas if he resists. Should I insist on this as part of the routine? Are there unintended consequences of me agreeing to let him sleep without pyjamas on?
This depends on you. If it’s okay for you, then yes. If it’s a limit for you, then no. Always sleep with some protection like a diaper or training pants. In the summer it’s hot and lots of people don’t wear pyjamas.
Personally, I think it’s fine – It’s the child’s choice. Offer them to put on pyjamas and let them decide if they want or not.
Question 8
My toddler wakes up at 5:30am. Why is he waking up crying? Why so early? How to help him understand that morning starts at 7.30 and 5.30 is still night? How can we help him to wake up happy saying hello?
6am is a pretty normal time to wake up in the morning for toddlers. Their best sleep usually takes place between 8pm and 6am.
See question #5 for reasons why your toddler might be waking up.
Waking up early could also be part of your child’s bodily rhythm. If possible, prepare the environment so when he wakes up he can prepare himself a snack when he wakes up or play independently. If the environment is safe, it’s okay to say, “I still need to rest. You can relax here with me or you can go prepare some fruit.”
If possible, change your routine to go to sleep earlier and his routine to go to sleep later so you can wake up at the same time.
Why does my baby wake up every hour screaming? It’s as if he is afraid of being alone even though he is in a familiar and safe environment and has never had any traumatic experiences around sleep.
When a toddler passes out from exhaustion, this sleep will be more restless and involve more wake-ups at night.
Waking up suddenly and crying is a natural response which comes from an instinct to react to threats of danger or being alone. The fear of being alone is a natural fear in all children . It isn’t only a sign of trauma.
Communication before bed “I will be in my bed and come say good morning to you. “ “You woke up and felt worried. I am here for you. Spend time in the bedroom for a while before and after sleep so the room is not only a place of aloneness.
Always be calm and understanding, translate her emotions, meet her where she’s at, let the fear pass for her and keep going with the day.
The child’s emotions are very powerful in the moment, and when the moment has passed the emotion will have passed. Take a step back to observe how they are feeling, help them work through their emotions, and be their calm.
Question 10
We have a night routine and my toddler knows it very well. However, every night is a fight. He’s exhausted because he only sleeps 30 minutes to 1 hour during the day. He wakes every 2-3 hours crying or calls me for cuddles. How can I help him find rest? He is too stressed and so I am.
It sounds like in this situation it becomes very had to manage because both child and parent are exhausted.
Try to go to bed before reaching the point of exhaustion. Try to help them not get overstimulated during the day, which will help him relax at the end of the day.
Crying is a natural form of expression and we can respond to it with
Make sure that all of his sleeping situations are consistent so he can make the associations with where and how to find rest.
If the tantrum every gets to much for you to handle, leave the room for a few minutes. Calm down, listen to a song or drink a cup of tea. Come back and explain “I was feeling overwhelmed and I needed to have a calm moment. I feel better and I am here for you now.”
Crying is a normal and healthy form of emotional expression. Be there for your toddler as they release all their emotions. If they push you away, give them space and let them know that you are nearby if they need you.
Every time he wakes up you don’t need to run in straight away. Try to understand the cries and see if he needs something or is afraid. If he’s just woken up and is not really upset, give him a couple of minutes to see if he can get back to sleep by himself. If not, observe how he is feeling + if he needs anything, help him work through his emotions, and be his calm.
Question 11
How will my child manage to sleep with a caretaker (kita, tagesmutter, babysitter)? What can I do to help?
Make sure that both you and your child trust the other carer completely before they start putting them to sleep. If you feel comfortable with the way they are going to put them to sleep, it will help your child to feel secure. You can help them to have success by giving information about your child’s sleep routine. Hopefully in day care they will not insist that the child has to fall asleep at first, but offer quiet rest time.
Sleeping in this new way will become part of their normal daily group routine. Believe in your little one and trust that they can do it.
Conclusion
At this age babies and toddlers are still not usually sleeping the same way that adults do. We would love for them to, but physically many are still developing the ability to sleep through the night. Sometimes they need help to learn how to get to sleep and how to get back to sleep when they wake up. The key is communicating with your partner, making a plan, and being consistent with your plan. Change, especially around sleep is difficult because the child is having to learn and process information while they are already tired. At first it will be hard but it will get better and you will be able to sleep through the night, at least hopefully, 80 percent of the time. 🙂
All of your had work will pay off and your child will learn how to relax and sleep when they are tired, a skill which will help them their entire life.
Thank you for reading! I hope that you found this interesting and helpful. Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions.
According to numerous studies, children develop a socio-cognitive understanding of gender groups in the first 3 years of life and categorise themselves into one of those groups. (1) In this formative period, what should parents and educators do to support the child’s sense of equality? What role does gender equality play in the Montessori approach to education?
background
Dr. Maria Montessori (1870-1952) was a person who challenged gender boundaries in medicine, politics, and of course, education. She was one of the first specialised female doctors in Italy, lectured internationally for women’s rights, and advocated for social reform through the Montessori approach to education.
The Montessori method is an education for life, preparing the whole individual to coexist with others in a peaceful world. For this reason Dr. Montessori knew that it was important for girls and boys to be educated together as equals. It was just as important that the boys learn the “practical life” skills of food preparation and cleaning the floors as it was that the girls study mathematics and science. (4)
For all of the work Dr. Montessori did for education, women, children, disabled people, and science, she was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize three times!
gender-neutral elements of Montessori
Montessori materials are available to all children at any time for them to follow their own interests and learn.
The clothing children wear is chosen based on function, comfort, and protection rather than appearance or gender recognition.
Interactions between teacher and student are the same regardless of the child’s gender. It is the work of the Montessori teacher to make their own personal transformation into a being of love and knowledge so that they can create a secure place for children to learn, absorb, experience, and explore.
The responsibilities given to each child to be safe and courteous to others apply to all children, regardless of their gender.
Colours of the furniture, materials, clothing, and environment are not directed or intended for any specific gender.
Books found in a Montessori classroom would not reinforce any gender norms. If possible, they will actually challenge them.
We respect and accept each child, including their gender identity.
social gender
As soon as the gender of a child has been assigned, their social gender is often immediately assigned too: what colour their clothes will be, what kind of toys they will have at home, and what their future hobbies, careers, and relationships may look like. (2) How is the child’s life then based in equality if so many parts of it have already been decided, sometimes before they were even born?
“Until the adults consciously face their errors and correct them, they will find themselves in a forest of insoluble problems. And children becoming in their turn adult, will be victims of the same error, which they will transmit from generation to generation.”
— DR. MARIA MONTESSORI, THE CHILD IN THE FAMILY
*Social gender is the way one expresses their gender identity. It also includes the way a society perceives gender. Finally social gender includes the way society encourages conformity to gender norms through gender roles and expectations.
There is NO need for gendered baby clothing.
The only general requirements for children’s clothing are that it
is suitable for the climate
facilitates freedom of movement
encourages collaboration + independence
Dressing babies in feminine or masculine clothing based on their gender assignment enforces conformity to current gender norms and subjects the child to stereotyping. In a perfect world this would not happen. Clothing and accessories for children are not supposed to be a way of preventing them from being misgendered. Babies and toddlers have no masculine or feminine traits; they are all equal.
*note Gendered clothing for babies and toddlers, at least in the United States, was not popularised until the 1950’s when pink for girls and blue for boys became a gendered colour convention. Increasingly since the 1980’s babies and toddlers have been wearing outfits similar to adult clothing.
There is NO need for gendered baby toys.
Studies show that babies and toddlers do not distinguish between stereotypically feminine or masculine objects according to their own gender, but rather are interested in the toys which are familiar to them. (3)
Over the years I have had many male and female toddler students who are interested in woodworking, dressing up, cooking, caring for younger babies, running and jumping. All the assertions by parents you’ve ever heard such as, “she won’t like that because she’s a girl” or “he needs to do this because he’s a boy” or “boys/girls are so…” are unfounded and based on gender biases, stereotypes, and myths. Babies and toddlers have no masculine or feminine traits; they are all equal.
other blogposts about Montessori materials and activities for 0-3
Practical life work is the cornerstone of Montessori from 0 to 3. Caring for the environment and self-care is the greatest goal of the walking toddler. Now that they can carry themselves upright like adults, they want to achieve total functional independence. Their school can offer rich opportunities to reach functional independence because the entire classroom should be prepared to suit their needs. At school the teacher is observing them constantly and can change the environment for them. This means offering concrete practical experiences by which children can do purposeful work and have success in doing so. This is the work which will open the door to responsibility and self-awareness, and link the child to the world.
The activities are called ‘Exercises in Practical life’ because real everyday life is carried on in which all housework is entrusted to the little ones who execute, with devotion and accuracy, their domestic duties becoming singularly calm and dignified.”
— Dr. Maria Montessori. The Discovery of the Child. Ch. 3.
Das Kind Magazine
For the full version of this article (translated in German!) and other Montessori inspiration by the Deutsche Montessori Gesellschaft, you can sign up for biannual issues of “Das Kind” magazine for €20 a year.
In Montessori we refer to “normalisation” as the integration of intellect and movement. Especially for children who struggle to find peace and balance, through practical life they find opportunities to create order, repeat movements, explore the senses through manipulation, move freely, and imitate adults.
Movement is the secret for holding the attention of the child.”
— Dr. Maria Montessori, Creative Development in the Child I
Activities in practical life have a cycle of preparing the work, concentrating on the process, and satisfied rest once the work is complete.
GUIDELINES FOR PRACTICAL LIFE
Organise activities in the appropriate areas. Water materials should be near the water source; tooth brushing should be in the bathroom; and so on…
Each activity has its own place in the environment.
Everyactivity is complete. The presentation of the material should be logical so that the child can follow the use of the material easily. Have extra materials available in case something needs to be replaced.
The characteristics of the materials should be appropriate for the child. Weight, size, fragility, and other factors must be considered.
Make the materials beautiful.
Colour code the materials. Most of the materials should be matching. This is for the sake of beautiful presentation and to remind the child which materials go together. If an activity is not colour coded it does not need to be excluded from the environment.
Use points of interest.
Points of interest encourage the use and repetition of materials. This may include sensorial experiences such as making bubbles, fogging a mirror, or anything that is exciting and interesting for the child.
Only keep a limited number of materials. There are few materials of which we have many. For example, you may have several cutting knives so multiple children can cut together in the kitchen area. However, in principle there should be only one of each exercise. This teaches the child to wait for his turn and respect the work of others.
Check the activities often. Prepare the environment before the children arrive and constantly over the course of the day. Check every exercise to make sure that everything is clean and ready to use. If you find an abandoned mess, invite a child to help you. If no children clean up with you, clean it yourself with precision, in case a child might be observing you. If you don’t have time to clean at that moment, take the material out of the environment and finish cleaning it later.
Practice your presentation until it is done normally and beautifully before you present it to the children.
Observe the child and make changes you observe help them to have success.
HOW TO PRESENT PRACTICAL LIFE MATERIALS
Invite the child. Approach the child and model how to get someone’s attention respectfully. Give an enthusiastic invitation which is not a question, nor a command.
Go together with the child. Keep the child’s pace. You may offer your hand to the child and the child may accept it or not.
Involve the child. During the first presentation, do only the first half of the work and let the child finish it.
Analysis of movement Observe your own movements: how fast they are, how you stand, if you are blocking the child’s vision…
Language Give the child the names for things before presenting. This is done by isolating the noun or verb and avoiding moving while speaking. “sponge”
Be aware of your body posture. When you bend over, bend the knees and lean forward slightly. Remain standing. Don’t squat or kneel less the child could also squat or kneel.
Wear aprons The adult and the child both put on an apron when the activity calls for it.
Let the child take over the work. When the child shows they want to take over some work, let them take it over. As soon as a child loses their concentration on a new task, you should be nearby and ready to get involved. Sometimes letting child hold something or fetch something for you is enough to let them feel involved.
Clean up. As soon as you see a working child has lost concentration, you should get involved and give the clean-up presentation. Always encourage the child to clean up independently. If need be, you can go back over spills or fix small things in the material later. Children often forget or don’t clean up and need to be reminded to do it. This doesn’t mean that they don’t enjoy cleaning.
a photo tour of the practical life in our classroom
– WELCOME TO MONTESSORI CLASS! –
photo by Natalia Smirnova
Get ready! The first thing toddlers do when they come into class is sit down, take off their shoes, put them in a “special place on the shelf”, hang up their jackets, and put on their indoor slippers. They feel so proud as they put their things away and get to work.
Cleaning shoes If they are very interested in shoes, there are also two shoe brushes fastened to the side of the shoe shelf where they can clean all their friends’ shoes and even the parents’ if they like.
photo by Chad Chittenden
Washing hands
Having a low source of running water is by far the greatest resource I feel that the environment offers toddlers. As soon as they are standing, they can stand in fascination for minutes letting the tiny stream of water fall over their fingertips and turning the spout on and off. The sink satisfies the sensitive period for water and gives the child access to all the water-based practical life activities. It allows them to explore and “play” with water, while having the responsibility and focus of purposeful work.
Toilet Awareness
In the bathroom there is this beautifully and simply prepared area for potty learning where little ones can practically explore their interest in the potty and learn how to use it Montessori-style.
– WORKING IN THE KITCHEN –
photos by Kerly Ilves
Get a drink
When toddlers feel thirsty, they can go to the kitchen area and take a cup and pour themselves some water from a pitcher which comes out of a dispenser or prepare themselves fresh orange juice made from toddler-sized mandarins.
Prepare a snack
When the feel hungry they can go to the kitchen and prepare a snack for themselves. I always put out 2 food preparation activities at the child’s level, one group snack preparation activity (at my level to bring down and do with the children), orange juice squeezing work, and the water dispenser with just a minimal amount of water inside. As my trainer Patricia Wallner would say, “Never put out more water than you are willing to mop up.” 🙂 Food preparation activities include cutting bananas, cucumbers, or strawberries, peeling pears, peeling mandarins or hard-boiled eggs, plucking grapes, cracking peanuts, and spreading cream cheese on crackers.
Washing the dishes
Sometimes after eating or drinking a toddler may want to wash their dish or those of their classmates. I also put out 2 “dirty” metal plates each class with just a little bit of coffee grounds on top to give the opportunity to make a distinct dirty-then-clean connection.
photo by Karen Ong
PRESENTATION: The child fills the basins with water, squeezes/shakes in some liquid soap (90% water, 10% baby-safe dish soap). They carefully choose which single dish they would like to wash. Often, they enjoy using it to transfer water between basins – a beautiful discovery. After they have finished washing the dish, they set it to dry on the rack and pour out the basins into the bucket. They bring the bucket to their low sink and dump it out. After replacing the materials, they mop up any spills with a mop for the floor or a towel for anywhere else.
– CARE OF THE ENVIRONMENT –
Taking care of their environment is a toddler’s favourite activity because it is their way of connecting and having an impact on the world around them.
photo by Chad Chittenden
Washing the table
Presentation: When you or the child notice that a table is dirty, invite them to wash it. The child fills the pitcher of water and pours it into the basin. Replace the pitcher in the basket. Wheel the cart to the table which they would like to wash. Wet the brush and soap and rub the bar of soap into the brush. Show the child how to scrub the table and let them try. After the table is scrubbed replace the brush and take the sponge. Slowly wet the sponge and squeeze it out – invite the child to try. The child wipes the table. Show the child where to put the sponge. Use the mitt to dry the table. Invite the child to clean another table. When they are finished, dump the water from the basin to the bucket. Carry the bucket to dump it out. Replace the bucket. Push the cart back to its place.
Mopping The toddler’s fascination with mopping is truly beautiful. Once the floor was wet, and now it’s dry! One of the first signs I see when a baby is becoming a toddler, is that they start mopping! In the toddler class, the mop is almost constantly in use because toddlers often spill drops of water when they do practical life and are eager to mop up every drop.
Sweeping
It’s quite difficult for toddlers to sweep something up and dump it into the trash. They love concentrating on this work and doing their best. I also have a small vacuum they can use to clean up messes if they spill sand or soil.
Dusting
Recently I added the duster to our cleaning area for dusting the walls and picture frames. Because brooms and mops can only be used on the floors, I found that the toddlers also needed something to clean the walls with and this was important to many of them. As Montessori guides we must observe the child’s needs and adapt the environment to meet them where they are at.
photo by Kerly Ilves
Feeding the fish Feeding the fish teaches respect for other life. It is also so relaxing to watch the fish swim around and can help the toddlers find calm.
photo by Karen Ong
Washing cloths Cloth washing is one of the most advanced practical life activities for toddlers who really need to exercise their concentration and do work involving lots of movement and multiple steps of varying difficulty.
AGE: from 2 years PRESENTATION:
Invite the child to put on an apron with you. Ask them to choose which cloth from the bucket they would like to wash. Put the cloth in the left basin. Invite the child to fill the pitcher and carry it to the basin. Fill the first basin and go back for more water to fill the second. After soaking the cloth with water, demonstrate how to lather the cloth with the soap bar and scrub it. Wring out the cloth and hang it on the clothesline. Both of you take a clothespin and secure the cloth. Invite the child to wash another cloth by themselves. When they are finished washing or lose concentration, begin the cleanup process. Put the bucket on the floor. Each of you pour a basin of water into the bucket. Let the child carry the bucket of water to the sink and empty it. Replace the bucket and use the mitt to dry the basins and table. Mop up any spills. Hang up the apron.
photo by Natalia Smirnova
Washing windows This is material is a very popular material on the shelf. Toddlers love to go all around the school and spray the windows, glass doors, mirrors, and aquarium with this tiny spray bottle and watch the water slowly run down. They use a squeegee and a small towel mitt to wipe up the water. Older toddlers like to bring a step stool so they can clean even higher. It is one of the best materials for very active toddlers because it offers movement, water, and clear before + after results.
– SHARING CULTURE WITH TODDLERS –
The child has the potential to incarnate any human characteristic, language, religious/spiritual connection, and culture. Here are two practical life activities for sharing culture with toddlers.
photo by Natalia Smirnova
Hanging art
This material allows the child to choose which art they would like to hang on the wall. In the basket there are various famous paintings, photographs and drawings by famous artists like Van Gough and Renoir.
Decorating a holiday tree
Over the holidays the toddlers really enjoyed decorating this real tree with baby-safe ornaments and bead strings.
– CARING FOR PLANTS –
Working in the garden
In the garden the toddlers really enjoy watering the flowerbeds, planting seeds, sweeping the deck, blowing bubbles, jumping on the trampoline, exploring the sandbox, and collecting the herbs and strawberries they grew.
Flower arranging In this sunny corner toddlers can water their plants and arrange fresh flowers into tiny vases. These flower arrangements adorn our table during the group snack time. Usually one toddler arranges all three and carefully places them side by side on the table with lace doilies underneath.
Plant watering work for babies It’s such a special experience when children are discovering plants, how to care for them, and thus how to respect other living things.
AGE: standing/12 months PRESENTATION: The first time I present this to a child I fill the watering can myself and invite them to watch me water the plant. I slowly pour half the water into the soil, using two hands. Then I set it down and invite the child to try. They will water the plant or possibly spill on the floor or try to drink the water. This is okay because they are learning! Use the sponge or towel to wipe up the spill. Invite the child to re-fill the pitcher of water. If the child is still not walking confidently, I fill the pitcher again for them with a very small amount of water from another pitcher which I keep at my level.
– LIFE SKILLS –
Self-Care
Toddlers love themselves deeply. In their self-care area children have access to several activities such as brushing + combing hair, wiping their nose with a tissue and tossing it in the waste basket, applying face cream (baby lotion), and trying on hats and sunglasses.
photo by Natalia Smirnova
Sewing In our classroom an entire shelf is dedicated to threading and sewing activities arranged from the simplest to most challenging. Eventually the toddlers can embroider with a yarn needle – work which they tape off and get to take home with them.
Woodworking station Woodworking is a very special area of pride in our school. Humans have the natural tendency to use tools to do their work. Not surprisingly the presentations for these materials are very short, because toddlers as young as 12 months can use them intuitively.
IN PRACTICE: Each tool has its own pre-prepared block which fits into the table insert. This keeps the block stable, isolates the difficulty of the tool, and supports the sensitive period for order. Toddlers love to sit at this station and go through all the tools which are arranged from least to most difficult, bottom to top, right to left. The presentations are hammering nails, wearing goggles, unscrewing screws, cutting soft balsa wood strips with a saw, sanding, and drilling holes. There is a small broom and dustpan available for sweeping up sawdust.
– GROUP WORK –
Group snack After the toddler work cycle one or two toddlers volunteer to prepare the snack and dishes for everyone. They push the food and plates to in a cart over to the table and sit down together. I invite each child individually to join us at the table where they may serve themselves or each other food and water.
Wiping the table After snack the toddlers can help clean up by wiping the table with sponges and water, putting their dirty dishes back on the cart and bringing the cart to the kitchen. Usually the interested toddlers do this for the rest of the group.
Baking days In addition to preparing snack for each other, once per month we have a baking day when we make muffins or cookies and enjoy them together at the end of class.
Brewing tea AGE: from 2.5 years, or when the child uses scissors Brewing tea using the mint and lavender leaves from our garden is the closest experience available in my school to a farm-to-table experience. They carefully brew the tea for their friends and enjoy it together at the table.
– SAY “GOODBYE” –
After a long morning of hard work, we gather together and sing songs. Then we say ‘goodbye’ before toddlers and carers get ready to go home.
photo by Natalia Smirnova
Thank you for joining me on this practical life tour through the Montessori Toddler Class! I hope you found it useful and interesting.
Tips on the Montessori home environment for siblings
arrange the environment or play space so that both children can use it at the same time (for example, a movement mat for baby and a table and chair for your older child can be near each other so that they can learn from each other through observation)
instead of buying multiple versions of the same thing, teach siblings that if a material is in use, it’s unavailable. It it is not in use, it is available to either sibling
if one sibling wants something the other is using, teach them to trade for a reasonable alternative instead of just taking it
organise the shelf so that the materials on the lower part are intended for younger siblings, and materials on the top of the shelf are intended for the older siblings
keep any small parts in containers which only the older child can open. This is a safety precaution that allows your 3+ child to satisfy their need to work with tiny items and keeps your under 2 child safe
Book Recommendation: “Siblings without Rivalry” by Adele Faber
For a school to be considered Montessori, each class must have mixed age groups. Maria Montessori stressed the importance at least a 3 year age difference in a class (3-6, 6-9, and 9-12 years). In 0-3 we separate the classes from 2-16 months and 16 months to 3 years because the big changes the child goes through in the first years of life require differently prepared the environments.
why a mixed age group is the best way to support learning and growth
1. each child is in one area the teacher and in another, the learner
Mixed-age groups are the ideal platform for learning responsible behaviour and mutual respect. Everyone is at some point the smallest or the largest, sometimes the strong or the weak, the person seeking help, or the helper. In Montessori young children grow up caring for each other and nurturing their self-esteem, self-confidence, and respect and empathy for others.
In Montessori children can strengthen their knowledge by demonstrating or communicating it to others. Younger also seem to be most at ease when surrounded by older children and enjoy learning from them by observing them with silent fascination.
2. every child has room to grow at their own pace
Having all the materials within the age group available at the child’s level, allows them to advance onto the next challenge when they are ready. It also makes it possible for them to follow their interest and advance in their strongest areas, while still being able to enjoy learning in others which are more challenging. Because teachers do not have to set the instruction pace by a whole group, each child is given the ability to learn at his or her own pace in every aspect of their development.
3. it allows for cooperation over comparison
When there is an age difference, older and younger children are able to work together to achieve a goal and solve problems. When every child is expected to be at the same stage in their development, it opens the door for competition. No longer do we see each child’s individual skills and abilities, we see which child can do the same thing better and faster. Children will help each other when cleaning up after work, putting things away, caring for the environment, and caring for each other.
the big picture
This relationship of mutual care and respect, of self awareness, and awareness of the strengths and weaknesses of others make Montessori mixed-age classrooms the ideal place for learning peaceful conflict resolution.
The Montessori approach is an Education for Peace and mixed age groups is its cornerstone.
Snack time in the Montessori Baby Class where babies enjoy food together and parents learn about Montessori-style weaning.
This blog post is common question and answer style discussion about Montessori Weaning, food-related difficulties with toddlers, play food, and links to a great Montessori mealtime set. I hope you find it very practical and helpful!
1 | Montessori Weaning
“How does Montessori weaning work?”
Montessori weaning is a child-led approach to the transition from milk to solid foods. We use real, child-sized dishes, glasses, and cutlery to make their experience similar to they way they see us eat. A great place to introduce Baby’s first food is at the family table during a family meal. After you start introducing solid foods, your baby will decide how fast or slow you change to eating food all the time. Start a meal with the food you have chosen, and finish the meal with milk. Gradually baby will take more solid food and less milk until they are completely weaned.
“When should we introduce solid foods?”
In Montessori we follow the child’s interest and natural path of development. Baby’s interest in food sparks around 6 months old. They will start to reach for food at the table, to watch with fascination while you are eating. They have probably had their first tooth and they will be sitting comfortably with support. This is a great time to start introducing new flavours and drinking water from an open glass.
“What are some good 1st foods?”
What you give as your baby’s first food is up to you, your culture, and their interest. You can give juices, broths, soft solid vegetables, soft fruits, purees, or tastes of what you are eating during family meals.
These babies have the choice between strawberries and soft bread.
2 | Refusing food
“My child just isn’t interested in food!”
There are multiple reasons why children refuse foods. Sometimes they don’t feel hungry; sometimes they are too tired/overstimulated/not feeling well and will prefer milk. Having scheduled mealtimes also makes a big difference because your child can feel when it’s time to eat based on your daily routine and prepare themselves.
Starting each meal/snack time with 2 solid food options allows the child to choose which food they want to eat and how much. You can finish each meal with milk to make sure that they get all the nutrition that they need. If they have refused a food, have patience, stay positive, and keep offering different options. If you are concerned about how much your child is eating, please speak with your paediatrician.
A toddler enjoying strawberries during snack time, which he cut for himself in Montessori Toddler Class.
3 | Family Meals
“My child doesn’t want to sit at the table.”
First you should set the general expectation that when we eat, we eat at the table. If they are hungry, I promise that they will sit with you and eat. When they are done and they want to leave the table, put the food away together. Do not to continue to feed them or give snacks while they walk around. This is distracting and it sends the mixed message that food comes to them and they can eat it wherever they like. Remember to have patience and stay positive. 🙂 You are the parent and you are setting a kind, but firm limit.
“My toddler wants me to play with him during meal times.”
Family meals give babies a lot of information and language. They should be able to participate as an equal member of the family by having a place for themselves at the table – to join you in eating or just observing. If they want to go play after they have finished eating, that’s fine, but you also need to finish your mealtime. You can let your little one know that after you have finished and cleaned up you will be happy to play with him, but at the moment it’s meal time so they are welcome to sit with you at the table or play in their space until you are able to join them.
If you are trying to feed your child and they are throwing food, maybe they are not hungry enough to eat right now or they have finished their food. If they have finished eating, they we should set the example that throwing food isn’t appropriate by removing the food and cleaning up together. If they are not hungry, you can try again to sit down an eat in 30 minutes. Make sure to give at least two options with meals so they can decide which food they want to eat.
In Montessori we always give real objects so that children can have their own experiences and learn about real life. Toddlers are fascinated by cooking and eating, something that they have observed adults doing for their whole lives and they are even more interested when they have the opportunity to do it themselves. So instead of a wooden banana with velcro, give them a real banana and a dull knife (link below) and they can cut it themselves and prepare their own snack!
How great is it that when they feel hungry they can know where to go and what to do to feed themselves. As long as you prepare a space for them in the kitchen where they can do this easily and safely, they won’t have to ask an adult each time they feel a bit peckish. They can meet their own need until the family mealtime. You can start doing this with simple snacks as soon as your little one is walking-around 16 months. Just empty out a low cabinet or shelf and put there a little try or box with one favourite snack in it that they are allowed to take and eat at any time. It helps if they have their own little table nearby where they can sit, prepare, and enjoy it as well.
“Why do you give real glasses and plates to babies?”
We always use real cups, dishes, and cutlery with our babies and toddlers in Montessori. Using plastic spoons and dishes and water bottles is not necessary. We should trust the child enough to allow them the same pleasant experience we expect when eat.
What are the reasons for using Montessori education at home?
1.Our absolute main goal is to support the child’s mental and physical development. First we are aware of what the child’s needs are, and then we prepare the space for them, so that they can follow their natural path of development with everything in their environment is available to them to use to meet each developmental need.
2. Understanding the child also makes parenting them more peaceful and more joyous because it takes away our struggles and frustration of every-day tasks like getting dressed, going off to sleep, etc
3. At home, you are often able to allow your child to have more control over their learning than they have at school. When children have more control over their learning, they are able to face challenges, grow their creativity, and become more resilient. They have to be self-aware, resourceful, and confident in their capabilities in order to solve their own problems.
4. Finally, Montessori is an education for life and gives children a love for learning so that they can succeed in every other area of their life.
When we talk about the home environment from 0-3, we are looking at 4 general zones of the child’s space. They are the sleep, care, food, and movement areas. In this blogpost, we are going to focus mostly on the movement area because that’s usually what people think about when we talk about Montessori and the other areas can be different for every family.
The child’s temperament is the social and emotional part of their personality, which they are born with. Understanding our children’s temperaments and the way it contrasts with our own can help make life easier so that we can:
>>> prevent and manage problems more easily >>> modify the child’s environment to best suit their needs >>> set reasonable limits & expectations
There are no bad or good temperaments, only constructive or non-constructive expectations towards them.
We can be a positive model of temperament control by accepting the child’s natural tendencies and adjusting our reactions through self-observation.
Try to avoid giving the children labels like, “she is fearless; he is social…” because it can be difficult later to free them from this role. This temperament questionnaire is simply meant to help us to recognise their patters of behaviour so we can maintain a peaceful and positive connection with our little ones. 🙂
Use the questionnaire below to compare your temperament and your child’s. Do you have similar or differing personalities?
Montessori Temperament Questionnaire
1. Activity level
temperament
qualities
Montessori tips
HIGH
– rarely bored – enjoys playing independently moves – constantly seeks out new things – wiggles and needs to move around – makes decisions impulsively (or perhaps recklessly) – needs frequent breaks from sitting
– Try to anticipate what’s going to happen throughout the day and plan several steps ahead. – Allow enough time to burn off energy – Give activities one at a time, particularly when traveling. – Find new skills and challenges or materials to keep them interested and engaged in the environment .
LOW
– generally calm and easy-going – content to sit quietly for long periods of time – often found engrossed in a task – sits through mealtimes
– Let them play and figure things out at their own pace (don’t interrupt or rush them). – Allow enough time for the child to transition to a new task. – Accept that they will take their time doing things.
2. Adaptability
temperament
qualities
Montessori tips
HIGH
– can easily cope with unexpected situations or events – easily influenced by the feedback from others
– Be a positive model of behaviour and language. They are absorbing everything. 🙂 – Give positive feedback instead of general praise: “You put the puzzle together! You look very pleased with yourself!” – Give plenty of opportunities for new challenges.
LOW
– takes time to warm up to new situations or places – does not enjoy switching from one task to another – changes in the daily routine may be upsetting
– Aim for a routine whenever possible. – Prepare your child in advance if there’s likely to be a change. – Allow them to repeat as much as they need to whenever possible. – Invite them to try something new, but respect their choice if they decline.
3. Approach to new situations & sociability
temperament
qualities
Montessori tips
BOLD
– has a carefree, fearless approach to life – enthusiastic about new situations and people – doesn’t consider possible dangers
– Let them have their own experiences, but monitor closely for safety – Give frequent reminders – Set clear boundaries
HESITANT
– less likely to put self at risk – exhibits caution – hesitates often and for long periods of time
– Prepare for new situations and experiences ahead of time – Don’t force them to participate if they are not comfortable
4. Attention span
temperament
qualities
Montessori tips
SHORT
– eager to move on to the next thing – most work is not done to completion – doesn’t follow long demonstrations – gets great satisfaction from completing tasks – forgets to tidy up
– Keep language and instructions to the minimum – Allow them to get involved quickly – Use points of interest to help them notice what they are doing. – Remind them what they were doing if they get distracted – Have a place fore everything and a clear order to the space – Encourage practical life activities
LONG
– without distractions, can concentrate for a long time – persists even when facing difficulty – can return to an activity even if their attention has been briefly redirected – does activities to completion – gets great satisfaction from completing tasks
– Allow the child to continue or repeat a task as long as they need. – If you need the child to do something or go somewhere, wait until their state of concentration has ended. – When you see that the interest and intensity of their concentration is fading, invite them to tidy up or try something new. – Respond to tantrums with gentleness and compassion. – Introduce activities that require multiple steps .
5. Distractibility
temperament
qualities
Montessori tips
HIGH
– notices every sound and movement – doesn’t maintain a constant state of concentration, but can come back to their current task (if attention span is long) – finds it very difficult to become fully engaged in a task (if attention span is short)
– Provide a quiet and orderly workspace to limit distractions – Remind them what their work was if they get sidetracked – Never interrupt if they have achieved focus
LOW
– can remain focused, even amidst chaos – becomes frustrated if something isn’t working perfectly
– Allow them to go through a process at their own pace. – Show them slowly and clearly each new activity so they can have success
6. Intensity of Reaction
temperament
qualities
Montessori tips
HIGH
– must have all needs met at all times – very self-aware – demands attention – attracted to what other children have
– Have patience – Model mindfulness and respect – Remind them of other people and children in the environment “Alfie’s working on that. It will be available soon.” – Set kind a firm limits.
LOW
– laid-back – enjoys most things – doesn’t react when their work is taken away
– Try to give them the language to express their wants or needs “Do you want to say, ‘this is my work. It will be available soon?” – Look for signs of their desires which they may not be expressing – Offer 2 choices so they can practice choosing for themselves and self-awareness
7. Mood
temperament
qualities
Montessori tips
CHEERY
– smiley – seems to have fun in most situations
– Observe closely because the child may have developmental needs or obstacles that may be overlooked.
SOMBER
– difficult to read – complains often
– Accept the child for who they are. – Make sure they know their feelings are being heard – Invite to try something new or try a new way
8. Rhythmicity
temperament
qualities
Montessori tips
HIGH
– naturally falls into routines for eating, sleeping, and toiletting needs and behaviour are predictable behaviour can become erratic with the daily routine is changed if the child has a high reactivity
– Try to anticipate changes and have an appropriate alternative available “Your boots are unavailable right now. Would you like to wear your boots or your sneakers?” – Make changes one at a time, for example reading one new story before bed or one new flavour at snack time. – Give 2 choices and for opportunities to try something new, but respect their choice if they say no. “Would you like to go to the pond or the playground today?”
LOW
– can ‘go with the flow’ – is not upset by changes in the routine – it’s difficult to predict their needs without a clearly established routine
– Respect that the child’s patterns may vary from day to day. Some nights they need sleep more than other nights. Some days they need to be more active than other days. – Incorporate a regular routine, but allow the child to have some control. For example, make the same quantity of food available at mealtimes, but let the child control how much they eat.
9. Threshold of sensitivity
temperament
qualities
Montessori tips
HIGH
– sensitive to the feelings of others – may react negatively to sudden noises or movements – may exhibit compassion and try to soothe others
– Allow them to feel and express their feelings in an appropriate way – Give language to express that they are understood and language to understand the outside person or situation. “Are you feeling concerned? You noticed that Yuna was crying. Let’s go see if she’s alright.” “That was a loud noise! Did it startle you?”
LOW
– seems not to notice the feelings of other people – might notice others’ reactions but not realise that they can affect or cause them
– Be a positive model of awareness and sensitivity – Try to give them the language to understand how others may be feeling. “Let’s ask if Luka would like a cuddle before we give him one. Luca, would you like a cuddle?” “Stomping is loud and disturbs others. Let’s go outside and stomp.”
10. Cuddliness & soothability
temperament
qualities
Montessori tips
HIGH
– feels relaxed when you hug them – can be soothed by cuddles and words of reassurance
– Offer a cuddle when they are upset before picking them up. “Would you like me to hold you?” Allow them to express yes or no.
LOW
– feels more comfortable at arms length – just needs time to relax after being upset rather than cuddles or caresses
– If they push you away, don’t take it personally. Stay nearby and let them know you are there for them without giving a hug. – Offer a cuddle and allow them to express yes or no.
Photos by Chad Chittenden and Kerly Ilves at Montessori Mother ELC
A special part of the Montessori classroom, which is different from traditional classrooms, is that children concentrate deeply and for long periods of time on their work, whether a teacher is watching over them or not.
Even Dr. Montessori was surprised by this when she first observed a 3 year old student engrossed in her work with the wooden cylinders in the first Casa dei Bambini in San Lorenzo, 1917. She said, “the expression on the child’s face was one of such concentrated attention that is seemed to me an extraordinary manifestation”. (The Advanced Montessori Method, 1965) This level of concentration later appeared in another child and another until every child in the Casa was able to reach a state of peaceful focus through their work. Thus concentration became a core principle of the time-tested Montessori method.
Montessori supports concentration in 3 ways:
by offering a prepared environment (a space that facilitates the child’s ability to use engage with it)
by preparing interesting materials with varying levels of difficulty (practical activities and materials which engage the senses)
by removing obstacles that might disrupt or distract the children.
To prepare an environment which supports the child’s power of concentration, the parent becomes a protector of their attention and an observer of their work. The adult must be able to differentiate between purposeful play, and chaotic play.
Maria Montessori called the child’s purposeful play with materials “the child’s work” because when they play, children can be deeply involved in the activity; their attention is clear and focused; and they are persistently mastering a new skill. “Used in this way,” Maria Montessori says, “ the material reveals itself as a key which puts the child in communication with himself and opens his mind to expression and activity.” (The Discovery of the Child, p. 210)
The way young children think
Children from 0-3 have a special kind of learning style – an “inner teacher ” which attracts them to the experiences and materials which will teach them what they need to learn in the moment. Toddlers also have the tendency to ignore activities which are too simple or too challenging for them.
This tendency can be observed even in newborn babies – when they are interested in something, they will focus on it for long periods of time and when they become bored, they will look away and their period of concentration will have finished.
Research in developmental psychology has shown that young children, when free to choose among different materials, will choose materials that optimise their development and that are just above their currently level of competence. (Lillard, p. 117)
In my classroom, the materials on the shelves are arranged from easiest to hardest, from left to right. When parents are in the class, they can see clearly that the youngest children in the group choose more often activities on the left, which are perfect for their stage of development and the older children usually choose to work with the most complicated materials on the left side of the shelf, which offer them the right amount of challenge for their stage of development.
It is because of these observations that we know we can trust the child to make good decisions and know that when we observe them in an intense state of concentration that their activity is crucial to their development and self-mastery. For this reason, we do not interrupt the child unless it is a matter of safety or consideration for others.
Supporting concentration in babies
newborns
When a newborn is concentrating on something, don’t disturb them until they are finished. You can observe them for signs: – When they are concentrated, they will focus their eyes on something and appear to be in a trance with it. – When they are not concentrated they will move, maybe fuss and make noise that they are done and would like to be moved or have another need that needs to be met.
freedom of movement
Babies are fascinated with using their senses to understand the world around them better. They are also very focused on learning to slither, crawl, stand, and walk. Offering sensorial activities and open space where they can move freely is the best thing you can do to support their concentration.
Allowing the possibility of movement through an entire room opens up a whole world of interest an opportunities for the child to thoughtfully choose the activities which are necessary for their development.
Materials for supporting concentration at home
1. Levels of difficulty
The optimal materials for supporting concentration in toddlers are ones that are just above their current level of abilities, but not so challenging that they will not have success. When toddlers are under-challenged they can become deviant so it’s important that their environment constantly offer them new levels of difficulty as they grow.
For example, when you buy or prepare an activity for your child at home, think – “How will this grow with my child?” Is it something you can simplify and add on to as they grow?
The MontiKids Mailbox, which I have in my classroom, is a great example because it teaches toddlers about early geometric concepts and new vocabulary like “triangular prism!”; and it comes with 3 geometric solids and 5 lids that progress in complexity.
You can use my promo code MONTESSORIMOTHER60 to get $50 off your first MontiKids order!
2. Practical life activities
Activities in practical life support toddlers’ development of concentration more than any other Montessori materials because they fix their attention on a repetitive movement or process. The purpose of this process is focused on a goal to which the child can relate – a goal that corresponds to their need to care for the environment and engage in the activities they see adults doing around them.
Movement is the secret for holding the attention of the child.”
maria Montessori, Creative Development in the Child I
A toddler might, for example, work very hard to clean a table and then start all over again, just for the pleasure of repeating and perfecting the skill of washing it. Although materials like table-washing have a practical purpose of getting the table clean, to the child it is much more. The child is getting to imitate an activity they see adults perform regularly and they are feeling the reward of engaging their full attention on a process they can understand and complete independently.
In Montessori we adapt all regular chores for the children so they can enjoy completing them successfully. For example, you might buy a sponge at the supermarket and cut it twice to make 3 small sponges which are the perfect size for tiny toddler hands.
Practical tips for supporting concentration
Use a shelf On a shelf in the child’s play space, set up a shelf with only 6-10 activities for the child. Keep activities on the shelf which you see them repeating again and again. When they ignore an activity it may be too challenging or too simple and it’s time to change the level of difficulty by adding or removing a step or exchanging it for another material. >>> See my blogpost on How to use a Montessori shelf at home for more shelf tips for 0-3 year olds <<<
Have a defined work space where the child can bring their activity. For babies this is probably a carpet on the floor in front of the shelf; for toddlers, this is a low table and chair near the shelf. Make sure this workspace stays clean and ready to use so that the child is able to focus on completing the activity they chose completely and have success in the end.
Provide many opportunities for practical life (cooking, cleaning, self care). More than anything else, toddlers love to concentrate on these activities.
Avoid interrupting their state of concentration. Interrupting can take many forms, some as well-intentioned as giving a kiss or applauding them. Remind yourself to stay silent when they are focused on their work and give them the space they need to concentrate and learn.
Invite them to repeat an activity after they have finished it once. Every time they finish something, you can say “let’s try this again” or “would you like to do this again?” or “you can do this by yourself now”. This gives them the chance to use the material by themselves and find concentration in the activity if it’s important for their stage of development.
Less is more the more difficult it is for the child to find concentration, the simpler and quieter their environment should be so as to not distract or overstimulate them. The order of the space should be clear and consistent so the child can find security in the space and relax enough to find peace and focus.
Tips for when the child struggles to find concentration
Observe without intervention how the child interacts with the space. What is distracting them or drawing their attention from place to place?
Practical life for toddlers: entice them to get involved with some practical activity. Practical life activities are usually the first place a child who has trouble focusing will find concentration.
Let them find their own solutions to their problems. Often with a child who has trouble concentrating, trying to help them will immediately cause them to abandon their activity and move on to something else. Their point of interest is often the difficulty itself, rather than the task.
Lower the noise level in the space. When the space and the people around him are peaceful, the child will be more aware of themselves and their surroundings. It’s very easy for babies to become overstimulated and for toddlers to become overwhelmed.
Don’t cause distractions: When they finally concentrate on something, say nothing and do nothing, so as to not distract their attention.
Do your own purposeful work: Model concentration yourself by focusing completely on one thing at a time like reading a book, doing some handwork, preparing a meal.
References
Lillard, Angeline Stoll, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius, 3rd Ed., Oxford University Press, 2017 Montessori, Maria. Creative Development in the Child 1. Kalakshetra Press, 1994 Montessori, Maria. The Discovery of the Child, Third Edition,1948 Montessori, Maria. The Advanced Montessori Method, 1965
Montessori toys are not built to entertain the child, but rather to engage their curiosity, creativity, and problem solving skills.
Children love to learn. They are naturally curious and fascinated by the world around them. They are eager to perfect their own skills and mimic the things they see older children and adults doing. They “play” to absorb new information and to train their skills. They enjoy repeating over and over these new skills until they have been perfected.
A child who is confident in their surroundings and their ability to approach the things that intrigue them is one who learns actively from their environment.
independence & perseverance
Montessori fosters independence and self-direction through the thoughtful design of each toy, through the layout of the play space, and through the way the adult interacts with the child. When children have more control over their learning, they work harder, perform better, retain more information, and are more creative and joyful.
Children learn most when presented with just the right amount of challenge, not so easy that they are bored and not so difficult that they are frustrated. The Montessori curriculum is thoughtfully designed and timed so that children are repeatedly entering this ideal zone for learning.
Montessori maps a child’s development so that with each toy, the child goes through the experience of struggling with a new skill, practicing and then mastering it. Mastering challenging activities helps children to develop healthy self-esteem and the self-awareness that they can improve their abilities and increase their intelligence. Children with this independent mindset also persevere longer on challenging tasks, a valuable life skill.
how are Montessori toys different from commercial toys?
Montessori shelf for a child 12-16 months old
Montessori toys are designed to meet the child’s developmental stages.
They provide just the right amount of challenge, without being over stimulating.
They isolate the difficulty of learning one new concept at a time . This allows the child to challenge themselves without getting overwhelmed.
Montessori toys help children to self-correct. This encourages your child to repeat and gain the tremendous benefits of solving a problem independently.
how to use a Montessori shelf at home
Montessori shelf for a child 20-24 months old
The goal of the Montessori shelf is not to fill children with information but rather, to provide a rich environment and support their natural drive to learn through play.
rotate, guide & observe
Add 6 toys to the shelf
Allow them to play with the toys on a carpet or low table next to the shelf
Rotate toys according to their interest:
If they don’t use one of the toys on the shelf, it might be too easy or too difficult for the child and should be altered or rotated out
Show them how to use a new toy when you add it to the shelf, then let them use it independently from then on
which toys should I buy?
less is more
You probably already have a lot of toys for your little one. Before buying anything, go through what you have and choose 6 good toys to start off with and the rest can be stored away for later.
levels of difficulty
The best toys for at home are ones that will grow with your child, offering multiple levels of difficulty. I have included a table with 6 examples below to demonstrate what this means.
level one | 12-16 months
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Ring on a rocking base
Pegboard with 4 kinds of wood
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